People Grow!  This may come as a small revelation to some, but one worth being reminded of.

My daughter turned two yesterday.  Looking at her, I am struck with awe with how much she has grown and changed over the two years.  At the same time, I wonder in expectation of who she might become.  I feel largely a spectator, watching on the sidelines, of her growth.  Not because I refrain from teaching or showing her things, but because the rate at which she is learning seems to far exceed the conscious interventions I am making.  Her growth is amazing.

The celebration yesterday made me reflect on how little, as adults, we take the time to celebrate the growth in each other.  Something seems to happen when we ‘grow up’ that, while we may seek to develop ourselves, we don’t expect others to have changed.  How often do we wake up and expect our spouse to have changed?  Or, when was the last time you listened to your loved-one with the same sense of wonder and exploration as your first date together?  When a child is born we often exclaim: “I wonder who she will turn out be”!  Have we ever exclaimed a similar thing on our wedding day?  Alternatively, have you ever walked into your workplace and expected your boss, team members, or direct-reports to have changed, grown, or matured?

It is as if we are protecting ourselves from seeing growth in others.  That, as adults, we would rather hold onto our views, judgements, and expectations of other people than see them grow and change.  Maybe we are too afraid to loose our own legitimacy, authority, and status in the respective social-circle.  For a father it might mean loosing his authority over the choices her daughter makes as she grows to become an adult.  For a boss, it might mean loosing her authority as the ‘problem solver’ – and let her team come up with a solution.  Whatever the situation might be, it demands that we become mature.  It demands that we recognize our own self-worth as independent to our role, status, and authority in that community. Otherwise, our expectations are keeping others from their full potential.

On the flip-side, personal growth requires courage and humility.  Subconsciously, we may fear growing because of the disruption it might cause others.  We don’t grow for fear of disappointing others.  Growth threatens people’s standing – or their perception of it – in a social group.  Our loved ones, closest friends, and work colleagues may see it as a sign of disrespect, disloyalty, arrogance, or pride and express their disappointment with us as a means of “putting us in our place”.  So, rather than growing, we hold ourselves to our current way of being.  Personal growth therefore demands that we be both bold and sensitive.  Bold enough to try, and sensitive to the loss others feel you are asking of them.  Growth requires a courageous humility.

Finally, one might be tempted to push for growth.  But, like a father watching his two-year old,  growth is in the seeing more than the doing.  Pushing for change in your husband, wife, daughter, or boss often provokes reactive behaviour that often only raises the very issues you’re trying to counter.  Like physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  Running-to or running-from; dependence or counter-dependance; defensiveness or agression - are never productive states.

Let us therefore celebrate growth.  Let us behold it for its beauty.  May we have the courage and humility to pursue it in our own lives; and the maturity to behold it in others.